Now what?

What we are learning along the way..

2009-10-07T08:15:00.000-07:00

I was happy to go out last night with a good friend for dinner and what ended up being the beginning of Christmas shopping for me. I always say I'll start early, but never do, either from time contraints or budgetary, but I always end up waiting til the last minute.

It had been a long day. James spent the day at home sick, napping and resting and getting over a stomach bug that I'm sure had something to do with the fact he ate sardines on Monday! (YUCK!)

I had the distinct joy and pleasure to take Casey to the dentist for some long over due work he needed done. When we had gone to a different pediatric dentist 2 years ago for some work on him, he was given liquid versed and even with that he panicked. They could only do a minimum of the work because he freaked out. Cut to yesterday, and I had hoped against hope that he would handle it better, he's older now, and had done fine at his cleaning and check up, but unfortuntely, it wasn't to be so.

They got half of the work done, and will finish the rest next month, but next time he will be given something. (Why don't they furnish something for the parents?? )

It got me thinking that Casey, and for that matter, any first child, he has become our Guinea pig. He gets things tried out on him first, and while we end up learning loads of stuff from our experiences, I do hate that it works out like this. I keep on reminding myself that the day he was born I apoligized to him in advance for screwing him up! I knew we would learn so much from him and because of him! Have to love him for that!

On a sad note though, the tooth fairy did come last night, the dentist had pulled part of a baby tooth that had not fallen out when the permanent tooth came up under it, so we had that to put under his pillow. This morning when I woke him up, I asked if the tooth fairy had come and he said that Dad had put money under his pillow. Crap, now he's going to figure out about Santa as well! We are done for!

Happy Wednesday!

Out of Body Experiences

2009-10-06T09:58:00.001-07:00

So since I've had this life altering surgery and have begun to start to emerge from my shell into the sunlight, I've started having really funny experiences.

I'm down 80 pounds (yea, me!), and recently took the plunge and bought some new clothes. I debated what to buy, what size to buy and how much of any one thing to get. The addage is that what fits today will hang on you tomorrow.

I opted for going 2 sizes smaller. My pre surgery clothes, pants, capris and shorts to be exact were already falling off me as it was, so I knew I could manage 2 smaller sizes. I'm happy to report that my new pants and capris are all fitting well, I even realized this morning that new pants were already starting to feel like the pup-tents my old pants were doing a few weeks ago!

I'm taking baby steps with the shirts, I think the emotional need I have to not feel constrained in my clothes will be an issue I have to deal with for a while. I tried a few shirts on over the weekend when I was out searching for new shoes (Don't get me started on the shoe issue.. my feet have well and truly shrunk!).. Anyway, I digress..

I'm between 2 sizes in shirts, and that is great as well! I tried the smaller size on, it fit, and wowzah! I got to meet my waist again for the first time in a while! I've always loved my waist, the hips I could have done without, but my waist has always been something I've not hated!

So, about the out of body experiences. I find myself walking through the grocery story, humming a tune, feeling absolutely fabulous about my new self! I know people may be looking at me thinking "Hey, look at that big girl".. but since I know how far I've come, and how much I've lost, I feel like I'm just very tiny! I don't remember feeling this light the last time I weighed this much, which I have estimated is about 10 years or so ago.

I find myself looking at my wrists, they seem so very small and delicate these days, and when I put my hand to my collerbone, it feels positively boney! I do love all this.

I love feeling light, and free and giddy.

After all, I am a giddy girl!

Time flies

2009-09-14T10:53:00.000-07:00

Well, summer is nearly over, well, the vacation part is over, the heat remains!

Kids are all back in school now, Casey's in 3rd grade and Owen and Spencer are now officially in kinder! Both are doing really well, none of the hysterical drama we envisioned for either of them. If I had had to of guessed, I'd of said the trouble would have been with Spencer, but he has done great.

He and Casey love buying their lunch, where as Owen is steadfastly dedicated to his ham and cheese we make for him every day!

We've been making the rounds lately, trying to get in some fun family adventures in, we've been swimming a few times, and yesterday we ventured to Fun Trackers. We will never go again if we can help it! Very low budget, and way over priced for what we did... live and learn, right??

As for me, I had the surgery, and have done very well. Lost a total of 73 lbs so far, and feeling really good. It took a bit to get on course, but now I feel great and am so glad I did it!!

Wil try to post some pics..

We'll see!

End of May..

2009-05-26T10:26:00.000-07:00

So I haven't been here in a while.. busy busy with everything going 100 mph every day!

Now summer's just about here, although this is South Texas, it's summer here in April if you go by the heat!

Casey finishes up 2nd grade next week, then summer camp, and then a week at sleep away camp in August. His first time. I hope he'll do ok. He can be such a noodle!

So, my big news is that in 6 days I'll be having gastric bypass surgery. It's been a long time coming, have thought about it for a while now, and now the ducks are all in a row, and I'm just about there.
I think I'll handle the operation itself well, I've had numerous laparoscopic surgeries, so I'm not afraid of that. I worry about post op, getting used to a new schedule and routine. Totally do-able, but change is change and it can be difficult even in the best of circumstances.

I've been doing the pre-op diet for 2 weeks now, lost 15 lbs and feel good. 6 days to go.

I'm having these weird out of body surreal experiences lately. I was in HEB the other day, and started realizing that soon people will be looking at me for me, not my back end.. wow, she's tall, that's me..

I'm hopeful that I'll do well, and excited about the changes to come.

Boys are well, Owen lost his first tooth this weekend, have no idea where it went to.. he didn't even notice it was gone! He's lisping a bit now!

More later...

Birthday Month

2009-03-23T13:31:00.000-07:00

March is a big month for us with birthday's.. my sister and I are 2 years and one day apart on March 12th and 13th, James is on the 20th, and our niece Olivia is on the 29th.

Plus we seem to have several friends who are pisces as well!

This year was good, James and I got to have a grown up date night, this past weekend.

My mom took the boys for the night, so we were able to enjoy a late dinner, (8pm is late for us!), and then home to watch 3 hours of recorded stuff on the dvr. It was wonderful to be able to sleep in until 8am on Sunday morning!

We worked in the yard yesterday, rather James did, but we replanted around the base of our big Ash tree out front, new dirt, flowers, and mulch. It looks so nice. I'll have to remember to take a picture!

Kids are good, although Spencer accidentally (I know, accidentally??) hit James in the head with a heavy metal mallet while he was working on the tree. He's suffering a headache today!

Random Thoughts

2009-02-25T13:11:00.000-08:00

It's been one thing or another, and now I'm about to walk out the door, so I guess this will be brief.

Owen's finger continues to heal, about a week or so left of splinting it, I'm worried though about once we stop, is that it? Do we just let him go back out there and go forth, and then worry about the next injury??

Gosh, 3 boys.. gotta love them!

Casey continues on his quest to get to visit Auntie Jill and Uncle Steve and the girls this summer. Grandma has promised him a ticket, but he has to maintain his A/B grade status.
I can see the pressure building in the kids eyes... we keep telling him to act like we were standing there and what would we say about what he's about to do??

Spencer continues to be Spencer, he's so cute, funny, witty, silly, charming and adorable, I just want to eat him!

I'm off to help James look for a laptop, heaven help me! The man can barley type, it's like getting a cat to bark! Ah, technology Gods, have pity on him and help him on his quest to become computer savvy!!

Ta for now..

The Big Cheese

2009-02-09T12:54:00.000-08:00

This is what has come of my life, 3 young boys, and well, you can imagine the silly jokes that come out of the 3 of them.

This is one such funny story, it's short.. not so sweet though!

We were sitting down to dinner on Saturday night. My mom had come over for dinner before taking Casey to spend the night with her.

As Owen walks past me to get to his seat, he, well, he lets one go... (the kid is tooting all the time, it's kinda funny how gassy he can be..)

As he does it, and Thing One and Thing Three hear it, the laughs and giggles start.

Casey pipes in with "He cut the cheese!!".. Spencer adds, completely dead on..

wait for it..

"No, he cut the cheese in Half!".

We all about died laughing, it was so Spencer that he said it..

Too funny!

Spencer the Snuggly

2009-01-19T11:45:00.000-08:00

Spencer the Snugglebug...

This kid is so darn cute. All 3 of them are, but there is something about Spencer that just gets to James and I.

Lately Spencer has taken to visiting me in our room if I'm in there folding clothes, or just not wanting to watch the 8th hour of Tom and Jerry for the day. He'll come in, crawl on the bed, and get right into my face. "What you doing momma?" he'll ask me and he sits and mushes up my pile of neatly folded towels.. he'll then attempt to refold them, making a general mess of things.

Somehow he'll end up on my lap.. hugging this kid is fantastic! He's nice and solid and thick, and is extremely huggable. He's just accepted that if we rub noses he won't get blindsided or anything, so he's all about the eskimo kisses these days. Ah, joy...

James has said that for some reason lately if he and Spencer start staring at each other they both break out laughing. For no reason really, he's just that cute, and giggley, and funny and silly and wonderful.

Fun experiences with Owen next time...

starry nights

2009-01-14T12:42:00.000-08:00

Casey got a telescope for Christmas from his uncle. The kid was so excited and couldn't wait to get out to look at the stars. He and his brothers tried numerous times to look during daylight hours and of course came away with nothing. It killed them to have a great new toy and not have it work. (along the lines of them waiting not patiently while we change batteries on the latest remote control car they might have... HURRY UP!!!!!!! I'm dying here, I've got playing to do lady!")..

I know they are calling me lady in their minds, you can just see the exasperation on their little faces.. "Hurry UP!! My needs are far too important for you to slow me down"..I know they are saying!

Back to Casey-Lay-O (get it, Casey and Galileo... ha ha!!).. (I'm trying here people!), and the telescope. The week or so after Christmas we had a strange run of very overcast nights, and due to that, there was no star gazing happening.

3 days ago he figured out how to lengthen the legs on the tripod it's attached to, so now he's walking around with a nearly 6 foot tall telescope that he obviously can't see through.

Last night after dinner he and his cohort brothers disappeared out back with the telescope.
I catch a glimpse of them on the deck and had to laugh.
Rather than shorten the legs, he's standing on the bench of the deck looking through the lens, telling Owen and Spencer what to look for.

I like CaseyLeyO in the role of teacher.. I think he likes it too. Now, if we could just get him to understand that the Milky Way is not just a candy bar!

Great weekend

2009-01-12T09:22:00.001-08:00

We had a great weekend.. the boys spent Saturday night at my mom's and we went out for our anniversary dinner. Italian... yum!

Now that the new year is already going, it hit me yesterday that Owen and Spencer will be 5 in May... 5????? When did that happen? I didn't think I'd make it the whole first month they were here, now they are going to be 5?? Casey will be 9 in August.... 9??? That's almost 10!

The twins will be starting kinder in the fall... life is really moving on... and it's going too fast!

STOP!!!

It's a terrific day!

2009-01-07T08:44:00.000-08:00

So today is James and I's 20th wedding anniversary.

I feel like we've been together forever, but still feels like we've been married about 10 minutes. The years have gone by so fast.

It's a terrific day. Blue skies, cool temps, and for a moment, I'm believing all is right in the world.

Owen tried to put a kibosh on my good mood this morning with his lately usual morning melt down, but I told him to can it, he wasn't going to rain on my parade! (why does a 4 year old care what he wears?? He's a boy.... not a supermodel!)..

So, so far it's a super day, I'm feeling good!

Wow, it is a real milestone, huh?

He used a knife?

2009-01-06T08:42:00.000-08:00

The whole conversation started after our dog died last spring.

Casey, aged 7 at the time, was asking James about the dogs they had growing up.
James, non-thinking adult that he can be, told him about one of his childhood dogs who unfortuantely developed a case of rabies.

(a side note, James grew up in what I like to call the boonies.. his dad grew up on a farm, so taking a animal to a vet would probably have never of happened. I'm not sure James knew vets existed until we got married and got a cat and started using their services!)

Anyway, he tells Casey that the dog, can't remember the dogs name, some variation on the hilly billy names of cooter, brownie, rusty, blackie, (what's next, orangie??)..

James finally gets to the point of telling Casey that due to the fact that the dog was sick, James' dad had to shoot the poor thing. I've heard this story before, and I tune out at that part.
This revelation of course sends Casey over the edge, can't believe that this stuff happens.

I say to him, that when an animal is put to sleep it's called being euthanized.

Here it comes... Casey looks at me and asks.. Dad's dad used a knife to kill him???

Had to laugh at that one. Still think about it now, makes me smile to think of the ways a kids mind works.

Post Holiday Let Down

2008-12-30T12:40:00.001-08:00

So it's almost New Year's and I suppose this is the time to sit and ponder and think about what was and what is about to come.

I guess it's supposed to be like that, but I don't have the time or energy to do it. I'm happy to land in bed by 9:30, read a few pages of my new wonderful Jonathan Kellerman book, and lights out by 10, only to be awoken at midnight by a squirmy visitor to our bed. Lately, that's been Owen.. slinks up between James and I, thinks we don't feel him, and slides under the sheets, feet freezing us out!

But I digress.. While I am very glad the rush of the holidays are over, it makes me a bit sad that the season is on it's way out the door again. I was thinking of a friend who I can hear saying about the task of Christmas cards, "Thank goodness that's over, what a chore.. one more thing I HAVE to do".. well, it got me thinking, why do it? If it's such a chore, such a hassle, why?

This is the first year in about 10 years or so that I didn't do cards. (I almost said We, but that would imply that James has something to do with the process of taking said picture, getting them developed, ordered, letter written, labels printed, envelopes stuffed and stamped. ).. but I digress again, this husband of mine is happy to show up for the picture, but his involvement ends there!

So, back to the year of No cards.. I just didn't have it in me. I had emailed pictures of the boys to friends a few months ago, so that will have to suffice for the time being.
The boys are growing like weeds, but a bit longer won't make that big of a difference.

So, we survived Christmas, it was a small one this year, and I found it was ok. I sweated the number of gifts we had, wondered if I shouldn't go out and sell some plasma to get more, but held back, and it was ok. The boys loved what they got, had a ball being with each other, even when they were calling each other buttheads every 10 seconds, and Owen telling us every 10 seconds that someone was calling someone a butthead!

I'm taking joy in what I have. Healthy family, good kids, about to notch 20 years on James and I's anniversary belt, great friends.. what I always wanted. What I used to pray for, sit in the dark and cry for, and now I have it.
I want the holiday to go on... the little sliver of time that is right now.. but alas, it's moving on..
soon it will be all here again, and we'll be reflecting on things next fall.

But, for now, here's to the season, to all we have, to having all we want!

Christmas week

2008-12-22T08:10:00.000-08:00

Oh my Gosh, it's cold today!

My fingers are blue!

So we survived the busy weekend with 5 kids, and now it's back to work for some peace and quiet.

The twins are safely tucked away at school today, Casey is at home driving James NUTS!, and I'm looking forward to dinner out tonight with my mom and Jill.

3 1/2 days til Santa... will the kids make it??? I hope so, they are busting at the seams.

James and I got to listen to the boys ask us about 50 times if Molly and Bolivia.. poor Olivia, she'll always be Bolivia to us now!. if they could sleep over, see them, be their sisters.. basically see them everyday for the rest of their lives.

I'm so glad that they all like each other. The girls really look up to the boys. I keep telling Casey it's a good thing to be a leader and a teacher.

Ok, back to work now. Now I have to keep this updated somewhat, I've put the address for all the world to see!

No.. all 5 are not mine!

2008-12-20T19:17:00.000-08:00

WHEW!!!!

A full day with 5 kids, 4 of whom are under 5.. that spells exhaustion!

My mom and I spent the day entertaining the kids.. I felt like the scene from the movie "Bye Bye Love".. it starts out with the song "Rawhide" playing and the divorced dads are taking their kids all over town to keep them entertained. By the end the song has slowed down to wharbling, and everyone is dragging. I know I am!

Thank God for bedtime!

We went to see Santa at the Spohn South, got to see Molly and Olivia freak at the sight of Santa.. then listen to Casey tell me Santa was a fake because he saw him changing in the bathroom. I tried to tell him that Santa doesn't wear his get up all the time, but the kid knows.

I was asked by 3 people if all 5 were mine. NO!
Do I look that insane??

Everyone was pretty well behaved, so we were feeling confident!

Lunch was a standard issue affair at McDonalds.. Spencer wearing his ketchup on his shirt, and Molly eating her's right out of the cup.

Another parent asking if all 5 were mine. No, dammit!

Then the girls got hair cuts, and then we went to the park to wrap up the afternoon.

A very nice mom at the park who asked me if all 5 were mine.. I said no, just the boys.. she said she thought that Owen and Spencer must be twins.. that shocked me.. no one has thought that outloud in at least 2 years!

Then home, dinner, play, and then bath and now thankfully bed.

When will these kids actually listen? I just don't know.
So tired of asking them to do something and being totally ignored. I'm told that this will pass, but I don't think so.

I'm going to die listening to Owen whine that Spencer called him a butthead. And then have to yell at Casey for putting Spencer into a head lock. WHEN WILL IT END?????

Ok, off to bed soon..
More random thoughts sometime soon!

Christmas Already..

2008-12-18T08:33:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been a while since I've written anything, but somehow I've remembered my address here, and here I am.

Christmas is a week away, and as usual I'm not nearly ready.

It will be a small one this year, actually, I like the small ones, less pressure to perform!

The boys are gearing up for Santa, and I'm holding Santa over their head every chance I can!

Bribery, Catholic guilt and Fear of God are the ways I operate. Hey, go with what you know, right?

My sister Jill and her husband and 2 daughters are arriving today. It should be a busy week or so.

My mom leaves the day after Christmas for 10 days in the Holy Land. I know she's excited. She is going with a priest friend of hers, and I know she is looking forward to going someplace new, and meeting new people. I'll be interested to see the pictures she comes back with!

I guess above all of the recent stuff, the news is that I'm working now.
I got a job in August with a company that makes and manufactures mechanical seals, industrial packing and technical products. I knew nothing of anything when I started, and while I don't know much now, I do know more than I did when I started. I've met lots of nice people and the hours are good.

Have to go..

7am wake up call!

2008-07-12T08:23:00.000-07:00

Knock Knock.. pound pound on our bedroom door at 7am everyday by our youngest twin demanding he be let in to share his morning thoughts with us.

What a way to wake up every day!

A few months ago we started locking our bedroom door at night, aforementioned youngest twin had gotten into the nasty habit of coming in during the night, steam rolling his way in between James and I and taking over the bed. James would, on most nights, just get up and sleep on the sofa. I had had enough and started locking our door. The door is actually a set of double doors, and so when Spencer starts banging at Oh Dark Early each day, the doors shake a bit and he stands talking between the two doors.

I suppose it's even funnier because this Texas born little boy speaks like he's from Boston and that accent is so cute.

Most mornings I'm pulled out of a deep sleep and can barely crack an eyelid open before we've received a litany of verbage from him about what he needs to tell us. Usually consisting of why he needs to eat cold leftover pizza for breakfast, and that he needs a drink.

Add to that his 2 older brothers who at some point join in the game and stand there and try to open the door as well.

Casey, our nearly 8 year old has actually become a bit of a lock picker... granted it's not Ft. Knox, but he's been known to get that door unlocked. He tells me that he uses either a poker of sorts, we do have a few of them around in case any of them lock themselves in, but he's quite adept at doing it himself.

So then the fun begins.. in they all come, Spencer, aka Tank, worms his way in between James and I, Owen, our older twin stands there asking for Moke.. (translated from 4 year old speak into Milk), and Casey laying on the floor in a heap of whining and fake tears that he didn't get to lay between mom and dad.

Ah, the joy.

So James and I are pulled from bed, and our day begins!

Love those boys!

Now what?

2008-07-11T16:40:00.000-07:00

Ok,

So I've been inspired to start blogging by my friend Kristen who blogs here. She's funny and witty and driven mad on a daily basis by her kids, as am I, so I thought why shouldn't I share the insanity?

My life these days is upside down.

I don't know if I need to introduce myself, who will be reading this anyway?

So, here goes, a short bio..

James and I have been married 19 1/2 years, January 09 will be our 2oth. WOW!
We have 3 sons... Casey is nearly 8 and like Kristen, we have twins, although we have boys, Owen and Spencer who just turned 4 in May.

So needless to say, we're busy.

I stay at home at this point, although I am eager to get out in the world and find my way away from the kids.

It occured to me, oh, a while ago I guess, that I never found out what I wanted to be when I grew up. I stumbled through childhood and the teenage years, literally bumped into my husband at work one day, got married at 20, and spent the next round about 11 years or so trying to become a parent.

The insanity of my days now makes me wonder if the heavens weren't trying to tell me something all those years when my body wasn't getting pregnant. Maybe we had HUGE caution lights blinking at us and we were too dumb to see them. Probably. I've now been suffering from baby brain for 8 years, I would have thought it would have gotten better by now, but no.
I'm forgetful, blank lots of times, and still very blond.

So, as to the title of the little blog thingy, Now what?

Ok, so we've got the kids, finally... tales of how the kids came to be at a later date.. but now they are here, they are all in one piece, all walk, talk, scream, laugh, cry and are seeming to be normally functioning little people, all with good chances of being real members of the human race one day. The question for me though, is what do I do now?

The endless sleepless nights are over, the kids are all in some sort of school/preschool thing now, and I am seeing the tiniest of lights at the end of the tunnel... some of my old freedom is coming back, but what do I do with it?

About a year ago I decided to go back to school to study medical coding. A year later I've taken 3 classes and have plans to take 2 more in the fall, but at the snails pace I'm going, I might be done by the time the boys graduate. I know it takes time.

Maybe I'm having midlife crisis... probably am... turned 40 in March.... NEVER thought that would happen.

Life is upside now... husband is looking for a new job... we've got a few good prospects, but it's scary.

I've just had this thought.... for the last 19 years or so I've never taken the time to think about what I would do... down the road past the kids that James was always POSITIVE we would have.
My life hasn't ended up quite where I thought it would. But I know I'm not any different from anyone else in that, so I'm not complaining. I'm just not sure what to do now.

I spend a lot of time thinking about it...
I guess I'll do more of it here...

here's to figuring it out!