Friday, July 11, 2008

Now what?


So I've been inspired to start blogging by my friend Kristen who blogs here. She's funny and witty and driven mad on a daily basis by her kids, as am I, so I thought why shouldn't I share the insanity?

My life these days is upside down.

I don't know if I need to introduce myself, who will be reading this anyway?

So, here goes, a short bio..

James and I have been married 19 1/2 years, January 09 will be our 2oth. WOW!
We have 3 sons... Casey is nearly 8 and like Kristen, we have twins, although we have boys, Owen and Spencer who just turned 4 in May.

So needless to say, we're busy.

I stay at home at this point, although I am eager to get out in the world and find my way away from the kids.

It occured to me, oh, a while ago I guess, that I never found out what I wanted to be when I grew up. I stumbled through childhood and the teenage years, literally bumped into my husband at work one day, got married at 20, and spent the next round about 11 years or so trying to become a parent.

The insanity of my days now makes me wonder if the heavens weren't trying to tell me something all those years when my body wasn't getting pregnant. Maybe we had HUGE caution lights blinking at us and we were too dumb to see them. Probably. I've now been suffering from baby brain for 8 years, I would have thought it would have gotten better by now, but no.
I'm forgetful, blank lots of times, and still very blond.

So, as to the title of the little blog thingy, Now what?

Ok, so we've got the kids, finally... tales of how the kids came to be at a later date.. but now they are here, they are all in one piece, all walk, talk, scream, laugh, cry and are seeming to be normally functioning little people, all with good chances of being real members of the human race one day. The question for me though, is what do I do now?

The endless sleepless nights are over, the kids are all in some sort of school/preschool thing now, and I am seeing the tiniest of lights at the end of the tunnel... some of my old freedom is coming back, but what do I do with it?

About a year ago I decided to go back to school to study medical coding. A year later I've taken 3 classes and have plans to take 2 more in the fall, but at the snails pace I'm going, I might be done by the time the boys graduate. I know it takes time.

Maybe I'm having midlife crisis... probably am... turned 40 in March.... NEVER thought that would happen.

Life is upside now... husband is looking for a new job... we've got a few good prospects, but it's scary.

I've just had this thought.... for the last 19 years or so I've never taken the time to think about what I would do... down the road past the kids that James was always POSITIVE we would have.
My life hasn't ended up quite where I thought it would. But I know I'm not any different from anyone else in that, so I'm not complaining. I'm just not sure what to do now.

I spend a lot of time thinking about it...
I guess I'll do more of it here...

here's to figuring it out!

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